Attack

Vigilant Keith Clifford guards his village with a pack of highly-trained team of attack sheep. The 60 year old retired farmworker has reared his flock of 24 from birth and trained them to charge and attack with their impressive horns.

So far the only “suspects” have been the odd stray cat or fox, but Keith is confident they would take on any challenge. He said: “Normally sheep run away if they are frightened, but these don’t. They are more than capable of handling themselves.”

These are fine, they are in uniform. It’s the undercover sheep that worry me.

The Sun

Pony

A janitor entering a newly vacated apartment in Östra Vemmerlöv in southern Sweden found himself confronted with the strong stench of urine, horse excrement and hay. It later emerged that the man evicted for failure to pay the rent on his ground floor apartment had been living with a pony.

Police had previously received reports of cruelty to animals in the apartment but nothing was ever done. The landlord too suspected that something was not quite right but did not make the connection with the horse trailer parked outside.

A stable relationship.

The Local

Glass

Visitors to the Grand Canyon are to get stunning views from a raised glass platform being inaugurated on Tuesday.

Rising 4,000ft (1,220m) from the canyon’s floor and 70ft (20m) beyond its rim, the Skywalk is being described as an engineering first.

The Hualapai Indians, who own the site, are hoping to attract visitors to a high unemployment area.

But some tribal members say this is a desecration of sacred ground and environmentalists are also concerned.

High unemployment area? Looks a little like a zero population area.

BBC News

Squawk

A council is betting £20,000 that pigeons will be fooled after buying a bizarre fleet of “robo-falcons” in the hope that they will instill fear into its winged pests.

Liverpool council is putting ten of them on its most historic buildings to protect them from bird droppings as it seeks to put on its best face in the run-up to becoming European Capital of Culture next year.

They are capable of turning to face the wind, twisting their heads, flapping their wings and uttering a peregrine-style squawk.

If they are homing robots there may be a problem.

Daily Mail

Life

Morgan, that most traditional of British brands, has announced it will launch a zero-emissions car called the Life Car at next year’s Geneva show.

The Life Car is predicted to weigh 600kg, have a small fuel cell delivering 33bhp and, erm, no brakes. Instead, in-wheel electric motors will act as both power generators under acceleration and play the much-needed retardation role under braking, at which point they’ll store the energy lost under braking and feed it back into the system when required.

Long time users of wood in its construction, maybe Morgan might be able to grow the cars on trees to maximise sustainability…

Carmagazine

Wordyprocessy

Professor Stanley Unwin in deep joy with the Amstrad 9512 wordyprocessy.

Adorn

Once they get the hang of it, your kids can move on to doing it with REAL trains! Yay.

Suck UK – Design

Rampage

A house cat attacked its owner, sending her to the hospital by ambulance with more than 20 bite wounds.

The cat, a black and white domestic male, went on the rampage Wednesday when a neighbor showed up at the door with a different cat, mistakenly thinking it belonged to the woman.

“She went to the door, and her cat went berserk,” Jeff Nevins, assistant fire chief for Wood River Fire and Rescue, told the Idaho Mountain Express.

Terrorist cats a threat to Homeland Security. Best lock them up.

Tri-City Herald

Cabin

For the one-time gangster, Nikolai Sutyagin, who built it, it is nothing less than “the eighth wonder of the world”. The less charitably disposed dismiss it as a glorified barn, fire hazard and eyesore.

When Sutyagin began work on his dacha in 1992, he claims he was only intending to build a two-storey house – larger than those of his neighbours to reflect his position as the city’s richest man, but certainly not a contender for the Guinness Book of Records.

However, convinced by a trip to see wooden houses in Japan and Norway, he concluded that he had not used roof space efficiently enough and decided to keep building.

“First I added three floors but then the house looked ungainly, like a mushroom,” he said. “So I added another and it still didn’t look right so I kept going. What you see today is a happy accident.”

Attractive Loft Conversion, requires some modernisation. Would suit megalomaniac.

Telegraph

Unknown

A bird species not seen for almost 140 years has been rediscovered in Thailand, conservationists confirmed today.

The large-billed reed warbler, described by the charity Birdlife International as “the world’s least-known bird”, was first discovered in India in 1867 when a single specimen was collected in the Sutlej valley.

Least Known Bird found. New Least Known Bird not known.

Guardian Unlimited

Imagine

Andre Kasongo Ilunga was the rising star of Congolese politics. Just 34, he had risen from obscurity to be appointed minister for foreign trade in Congo’s first democratic government last month. Then, before he had even started work, he resigned. Sadly, Mr Ilunga will never be able to articulate the reasons why. For he does not exist.

Imaginary Governments would probably be an improvement in most cases.

Guardian Unlimited

Futility

It’s not Remembrance Day but this is a video, that, once seen is never forgotten. A schooltrip video by Wath Comprehensive School, Rotherham, UK, to the Somme Battlefields of World War 1, set to the immensely powerful Eric Bogle song, No Man’s Land, sung by June Tabor.

Invasion

The traditionally neutral Swiss army has staged an unplanned invasion after troops blundered into Liechtenstein.

A 171-strong Swiss company got two kilometres into its neighbour before realising the mistake and heading back.

Liechtenstein authorities made light of the intrusion, saying they only knew about it when the Swiss told them.

The USA would have sent in peacekeepers if Liechtenstein had any oil.

BBC News

Lonely

A man who was found dressed in latex and handcuffs brought a donkey to his room in a Galway city centre hotel, because he was advised “to get out and meet people,” the local court heard last week.

Thomas Aloysius McCarney with an address in south Galway was charged with cruelty to animals, lewd and obscene behaviour, and with being a danger to himself when he appeared before the court on Friday. He was also charged with damage to a mini-bar in the room, but this charge was later dropped when the defendant said that it was the donkey who caused that damage.

After that, things just got worse…

GalwayFirst.ie

Retropops

More delights from YouTube than can be comprehended by the sane!

now on

R E T R O P O P S

 

****So good – I had to take my socks off to cope.***

Comical

This is the oldest full time Gospel, preaching, soul winning clown Ministry, in America.

This ministry consists of Professional Clown Tricks, Christian Skits, Ventriloquist, along with performance of Gideon, the parrot, Precious, the super dog, Zacchaeus, the gospel robot, also singing action songs with Aunt Alice and her electric organ, and a vivid Biblical, visible illustrated message.

Clowns for Christ. A double entendre.

Clowns For Christ

Power

Be thankful that they discovered Viagra.

Vintage Ads

Lump

Japanese doctors report a surge in the condition known as “karaoke polyp”, a growth on the vocal cords caused by excessive warbling in bars and parlours. Formerly an affliction of middle-aged businessmen, the malady has spread among housewives and young people because of the continuing popularity of karaoke.

“I believe that the recent increase of popular songs with many high notes is causing this,” Ryuichi Mochizuki, head of the otolaryngology department of Osaka Kaisei Hospital, told the Asahi newspaper.

I am much more worried about ear damage caused by Karaoke than by throat damage.

Times Online

Foxed

Under The Boardwalk writer Kenny Young in a sub Bowie-like reinvention moved to Britain and became responsible for much of Clodagh Rogers’ output. He then turned up in a band called Fox, fronted by Susan Traynor who appeared under the mashed-up stagename of Noosha Fox. This was their first UK hit, from March 1975, performed in Hamburg for German TV show Disco 75. The image was Dietrich in an antique dress with a band that couldn’t be bothered to dress up and vocals by Marilyn Monroe on Helium.

In one of his previous incarnations Kenny Young had written faux pop-folk-lite song, When Will The Good Apples Fall? for The Seekers. Despite everything he touched having an air of non-genuineness, he knew what catchy sounded like.

And in a Girl Group meets pschydelia-lite style, Captain Of Your Ship by the now much-forgottten Reparata And The Deltrons.

Only You Can
Fox
Disco 75, ZDF TV
26 April 1975

When Will The Good Apples Fall?
The Seekers
c. November 1967

Captain Of Your Ship
Reparata And The Deltrons
1968

Bitching

“I am probably the most progressive liberal person in the world and I am personally offended by the sign,” said Janet Stillman, executive director of the Wallingford Neighborhood Office. “It’s so blatant and so in your face.”

To ban the sign would be a violation of free speech, said Alan Justad, spokesman for the city of Seattle’s Department of Planning and Development. The city regulates size and placement, but not language, he said.

Pet supplies store cause moral outrage. Stand up for free speech for dogs and/or bitches.

Seattlepi.com